


i was only falling in love.

by caroline11



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Jos Verstappen's A+ Parenting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:49:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26975413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caroline11/pseuds/caroline11
Summary: The knock sounded soft and quiet. Maybe because it was four in the morning but it was Daniel. And he never knocked like he wanted to make a hole in the door.
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen
Comments: 4
Kudos: 125





	i was only falling in love.

They've got called for the podium. Daniel went first and Max followed soon after. Trophies were handed and champagne sprayed. 

Max was freezing. The champagne was cold for the first time since he joined f1. Always lukewarm and disgusting. He didn't know if it was the temperature of the drink or the fact that he was standing on that podium with Danie but the beverage tasted sweeter than usual. Sweeter than almost every week he was standing on that podium.

As he was standing on the second step moments after he drank from the overly big bottle he looked down between the team and there he was. Max's father was standing between Christian and Helmut and was looking at him with false pride. Max knew that look. He had seen it many, many times before. 

Times, when he couldn't do anything when he raised his hand. Times, when he couldn't stand up because everything hurt so, so much. It got rarer these days. His father wasn't allowed inside his driver's room anymore, but he could catch him in the hotel. 

Max wondered if Daniel knew that he uses him as an excuse or the reason why he's running away. Max couldn't count how many times he fled from his hotel room and was texting Daniel on his way to his car that he's leaving. That he definitely should go back to Monaco with him. Because if Daniel was there it was fine. Because if Daniel was there he felt safe and like his father couldn't touch him anymore. 

The problem was that if he flew with Dan his father waited for him in his apartment. The punches and insults were worse but he could hide inside for a few days and then call Daniel to eat pizza or just talk. Daniel didn't know but he suspected. When he tried to bring it up Max would dismiss it immediately.

Walk from the podium to his drivers room was way too long. His father caught up with him regardless of how fast Max tried to walk.

“Do you think that this is acceptable?” he spat out quietly.

“Do you think that you are going to get anywhere when you are not able to do anything right? You are throwing chances away like always.” Jos caught Max hand when he didn't look his way. 

It hurt. It hurt a lot because bruises were there from last week. And from the week before, too. His ribs were coated with a whole spectrum of colours and it hurt to breathe. Everything got taken away from him like this. His peace. His happiness. His self- worth. Max couldn't tell that he was good because he grew up without sense in that word. He grew up with everything so damn painfully difficult.

When the door shut close behind him he allowed the tears to fall. Max fished out his phone and unlocked it. His father is going to come back and the only thing he didn't want to happen right now was exactly that. 

The message Max sent got read in a few seconds. Daniel must have been in some debrief.

Sorry, Maxy, i cant i have some video to film and another meeting. Im flying back at like one in the morning.

Oh no. This is where Max started worrying. He needed to disappear as quickly as possible. Packing wasn't a problem, nor was drive to the hotel or from the hotel. When he sat down on the plane he could breathe semi-normal again. 

Max texted Christian and told him he was leaving. He got some more texts about meetings and PR stuff in near future but that was all. The flight wasn't long but it filled Max with a sense of security. Here he was kilometres in the air alone. Safe. But the feeling disappeared the moment the plane touched the ground. 

The taxi brought him in from of his apartment building and stopped. Max got out and walked inside with his head hanging low. Lower than it was supposed to do after second place in f1 race. He was meant to be happy. He is happy. For Daniel but not for himself. It was not victory and he's going to feel it soon.

The front door squeaked when Max opened it. His apartment was not messy but still looked lived in. Blinds weren't drawn in and the moonlight was casting pictures on the living room floor.

Max set down his trophy on the table and made his way to the kitchen. The fridge was empty and making a phone call to one of the restaurants seemed like an impossible task.   
He didn't know how long he had sat there but when the angry knock sounded through the apartment he jumped meter high. It's here, Max thought.

It wasn't humanly possible to walk to the door any slower. Max wished that he could just stop existing now. He didn't want the things that are coming his way now. He was hungry, tired and afraid. Daniel was gods know where and he was alone.

Max pushed the handle down but the door flew open and his father stormed inside. Every feeling in Max got numb in that very moment.

He somehow got through shouting. He got through accusations of running away. He got through light jabs and punches. What he wasn't expecting was the question his father asked.

“Why did you keep Ricciardo around anyway?” His tone was ice- cold.

Why? Maybe because he felt safe. Maybe because he felt like he could be himself and he didn't need to prove anything. That he could be himself with all his flaws and all the mistakes he made. That he would be forgiven if he apologizes like he means it, and he always means it when it's Daniel. Because the knowledge that Daniel is there with him made him immensely happy.

Perhaps one day he'd tell him what it was like to love him in secret for all those years. Perhaps one day he'd tell him he had felt the same.

“I was only falling in love.”

That was when the punch came. His head hit the table where his trophy was standing and the blood started to run down his forehead. The front door shut closed and Max ended up laying in the dark with blood and tears colouring his white carpet.

Hours had to pass but Max reached for his phone. He scrolled through the contacts and send Daniel a message.

Can u come to mine when u back? Bring food.

Just landed. Be there in a few.

Max really should clean himself up. But as selfish as he is he wanted somebody to know what had happened. Why he is like he is.

The knock sounded soft and quiet. Maybe because it was four in the morning but it was Daniel. And he never knocked like he wanted to make a hole in the door.

Max stood up and crossed his apartment to the door. He stopped crying after few minutes but the moment he opened the door and Daniel was standing there in his black hoodie looking so tired but still holding a box of pizza just because he basically commanded him to do so. When he saw the look on Daniel's face when he spotted his face. Max broke down.

Daniel abandoned the pizza in the hall and half carried Max to the living room. Which probably wasn't the best idea because he nearly had a panic attack when he saw how it looked with the lights turned on. 

Daniel opted for the bathroom. He sat Max down on the bathtub and rummaged through the cabinets for the towel. 

“Max, can you take your shirt off for me, please?” Max nodded and Daniel helped him with it.

“What happened, Maxy?” New set of tears fallen down when Daniel asked. He asked so gently and Max could hear the hidden meaning behind his words. That if he didn't want to talk he doesn't have to.

But Max told him everything. Max told him how he used him as a getaway. Told him how he felt safe with him and how he hid in his apartment for days because his cheek was sporting some nasty colour. Max told Daniel why his father punched him. Max told Daniel, who was still cleaning him up and holding him up and who had tears in his eyes that he loves him but he's so scared of it. 

Daniel was quiet for a moment but then he raised his eyes and looked straight at Max.

“I'll come around if you ever want to be in love.”


End file.
